So I was talking with my friend Chris yesterday about cult-life. That is, life in a cult. You know, like "Hi, I live on an island. I jump around in loin cloth and worship Jimmy Jones around a fire. And tomorrow we're gonna drink poisoned punch. But don't worry, it's not a cult. I swear." Yeah, that kind of a cult.

Then we were talking about religion. And then we were talking about submitting to therapy...and medicine. And then we were talking about addiction...and anonymous groups...and the difference between Jimmy Jones and Jesus and Buddah and AA and antidepressants. But in a very casual manner, of course.

One thing I really like about being in a 12-step program -- and not being in a cult -- is that my sponsor always said that we get to "unlearn", and "deprogram." I'm pretty sure that's what step 4 is about...getting the past out on paper, and looking at is objectively. Asking questions and seeing where, when, how, why, and what the hell we were thinking.

I also like that I can trash anything my sponsor says, or I can listen to it. I like that no one collects my money or makes me sign my life away in blood. But mostly, I like that everyone is equal. I like that anyone can sponsor anyone else...so long as they have been in the room for one whole day. It's kind of a beautiful thing.

I was talking to my buddy Jim and his wife who happen to be in AA, and he told me, "You know Rachel, there are two types of thinking. There is goal-oriented thinking, and there is principle oriented thinking. Goal oriented thinking is the kind of thinking where you will do anything and everything in your power to make sure you get to your goal." When he said this I thought to myself: Yeah baby, I'm a goal oriented thinker. Cool. I'm a powerful son of a gun. Worship me, world; here I come...

"Principle oriented thinking," he finished, "is when a person lives by a set of principles regardless of the outcomes life produces." This is when I felt like an idiot. Oh yeah. That's why I am alive -- to discover what kind of principles I want to live by, how they are molding and changing on a regular basis, and how to be more honest and free.

It's interesting, after talking to my friend Chris about cults and AA, I realized Alcoholics Anonymous doesn't tell us what principles to live by. Ever. Not in the entire book of Alcoholics Anonymous. I mean, there are 170 pages in there, and sure, the print is big, but you'd think they'd tell us what to do at least once. But they don't. They don't tell us how to live. They just tell us how not to live.

The only thing it says is that we should avoid resentment, selfishness, dishonesty, fear, and delusional thinking. It says we must be careful not to drift into worry, remorse, or morbid reflection because it diminishes our usefulness to the world. But I couldn't find anything about how to live...how to be nice...

That’s awesome…do you know why?

The twelve step program leaves us free to discover ourselves with God's help. It encourages us to seek our Higher Power (in whatever form that Higher Power takes), and to take proper action (whatever it may be depending on the person or interpretation). It encourages us to learn, be progressive, and grow in understanding when we make mistakes since they will be inevitable.

So I don't know if this is blasphemous, but I made some principles to live by today...

1) Patience and objectivity in times of desire makes for wisdom and compassion. This is love.
2) Honesty with self, with others, and with words, despite a change in image or reputation, is always love. It is love because it is truth; it is reality.
3) Growth and progress during life's trials is love.
4) Momentary living makes for unconditional forgiveness without expectations. This is freedom for everyone, and so it is love.

-Rachel 05/2009

So I realized yesterday that life should be about the people you love the most and spending time with them. I went to a dance performance in support of one of my friends last night and it was absolutely amazing. It cost me $15 to watch a wonderful 2 hour performance with incredibly talented professional dancers. After the show my friend, a fellow dancer of hers, and myself all went to listen to some live jazz and eat. We had great conversation and went on our merry way. Today I had the opportunity of meeting up with a different group of friends and having a wonderful lunch with fabulous conversation. It is so nice to know that there are things to do in life and that you don’t need a large sum of money to have fun. There are other enjoyable activities to take part in besides getting high, drinking, and committing crimes. There are even other activities besides studying, reading, and hiking. I listed those few things, because that is what I do in my free time, which still happens to be limited. Life is full of opportunities, it just depends on if and how we take advantage of them. Where there is a will, there is a way and I can’t stress that enough.

Recently, I have been reminded that the Universe will continually send affirmations of the correct path for you. If you are paying attention, you will start picking up on these. I want to share with you my recent affirmations.
I have had a professor, a friend and a co-worker at different times within the last two weeks all gently hint that they can see me going into the field of psychology or social work in aspect way or another. These revelations come on the heels of a long history of being told I should consider these fields. I believe this is because I have always felt comfortable and at ease speaking with all different types of people on all types of issues.
My desire to evolve more and deeper through therapy is another affirmation that a large part of my path is paved in self help. I know that my guided discovery with and through therapy makes me more open to the possibilities that lie before me. Open your mind, open your heart and evolve with me, my fellow friends! ļ