So I am officially a senior now! WOW how awesome is that? Who would have thought that a junkie from the streets of San Francisco would ever be able to accomplish all of the things I have accomplished in my sobriety? The end of the semester was not just the end of school for the summer but for a number of different things. As some of you might remember I lost one of my other jobs about 2 months ago and had my heart broken all in the same day. Due to the series of unfortunate events that happened over those few day I came to many realizations. Today I have built a high level of self-confidence and I actually have a self-esteem. I have been doing to necessary things to change my life for the better and I seem to be relatively good at it. I am pretty sure that I have all As this semester, which means that I am entering my senior year with a perfect GPA and I am going to keep it that way. Anything anyone puts their mind to they can do. I have accomplished more things in the last almost 4 years of my sobriety than I had in almost 7 years of drug use. The feeling is beyond gratifying and is the reason I am alive today. Life and all of the ups and downs it bestows upon me make it that much more worth living. I have exceeded all of my expectations in life so far and today I can honestly say that I am proud of myself. I hope anyone who may be reading this knows that where there is a will there is a way….always no matter what. The opportunities are endless in life, it just depends on how badly you want it and strive for it!!

The little things are what have become abundantly clear to me to be the most enjoyable moments in life. It was recently explained to me by someone who likes a particular poet named Charles Bukowski. Big enjoyable things like a trip to Hawaii or skiing down the French Alps are few and far between, even for those who can afford them. The really good things in life are the almost mundane things that bring us pleasure on a regular basis. For me, one of these moments is when I walk into the office at NMK, sit down at my computer and check my email first thing in the morning without interruption. Once I have done this, I feel this sense of relief and relaxation. I can only guess that it comes from the knowledge of what the rest of the day is going to bring.
The little things are like when you get a “Good job” from the boss or “You look nice” from somebody you are seeing. They are not things that you think are big at the moment. Like a low score on the S.A.T.’s for example. It may seem like a really big deal at the moment. But do you really think people go through the rest of their lives thinking “Man, if I had scored 25 points lower my life would have sucked?” No way. It’s the little things, like when an attractive girl or boy smiles at you as you walk through the mall. Even when a stranger opens the door for you or when you’re running late and someone lets you into traffic. Or simply knowing that you have to go to school/work 5 days a week for 7 or 8 hours and being okay with that. I would not want to be the guy who was constantly seeking something else and struggling with what may seem to be the mundane. Because for me, these are the things that put the jelly in my PB&J.

Getting older brings a lot of pretty cool things: being able to drive, staying out later and eventually moving out. All of these things are awesome and things that I looked forward to while I was growing up. What I didn’t realize was that with all of these awesome privileges came a lot of not-so-awesome responsibilities. Doing your own laundry, paying traffic tickets, taking out the trash (not because your parents told you to but because if you don’t, it stiiiiiiiiiiinkss!!!!) But most of all, taking care of your own life.
I had a rude awakening this past week when I realized that I needed to pick up a second job during the summer. Now this wouldn’t have been that big of a deal because I am honestly really excited to pick up some extra hours this summer, but this new responsibility meant that I needed to “clean up my appearance” just a bit. Man, I hate that phrase. To make a long story short, I had to take a giant leap and committed to cutting off my dreadlocks. Ouch, I have been growing out my hair for over a year and went through so much to get my locks going, and now they are gone.
Now there is a pretty obvious downside to having to cut my hair, the simple fact that all that time and work will be gone. But the harder and more important thing to look at in this situation is the fact that I am able to be responsible enough to cut my hair, because that’s what I need to do—at least if I would like to eat and pay my rent this summer. Years ago there would be no way that I would make a decision like this and I consider myself very lucky that I am able to take a mature step in the right direction.

Keep Livin’ the Dream,
Patrick