When I get anxious, frustrated, down, one of the greatest tools I can use to start feeling better is making a gratitude list. I’ve noticed that most of my worries are about the future (what if this happens, what if that doesn’t turn out as planned, how will I know when…). I’ve also found that most of my frustrations are about the past (how could that have happened? I can’t believe that this has turned out this way…).

The amazing thing about gratitude lists, is that they force me to look at the NOW. I cannot be grateful for things that haven’t happened yet (no more future-tripping), and reflecting on the good things in my past can only help balance my perspective on what reality is really like for me (today). When we are future tripping or in morbid reflection all day long, we miss out on living in the moment. We miss out on all the joys that take place right in front of our eyes. So I am going to take a minute and make a gratitude list. I am going to tell you all the things in my life that I am thankful for TODAY, right NOW, and enjoy living life instead of racing it…

Lean Pockets ®
A cuddly dog that walks me every morning
The sun rise at 5:30am
Dance class tonight
Clean clothes to wear
Smelly soaps in the shower
A bed to sleep in…that is made…and smells like linen 
Sweetened oatmeal and almonds for breakfast
The mountains right outside my apartment, and on my drive to work
Little girls with chipped nail polish
Little boys with tubby stomachs
Accents…European and Australian accents
A culture of open vulnerability in the 12-step groups
A culture of growth, learning, and positivity in the 12-step groups
A job that helps me live just under my means
A relaxing read with my morning latte
A few classes at a time in college, so I can learn for pleasure
The Discovery Channel with a bowl of grapes and a warm blanket
Friends and laughter at dinner time
A car to drive me from work, to home, to school, to 12-step meetings

No matter what happened yesterday, and no matter what happens tomorrow, chances are that these things will stay the same. And whether my income increases or decreases, whether people approve or disapprove of me, whether I get romance or watch it disappear, whether my children obey or rebel, I have a life that is rich with constant joy. I have so little control over life’s circumstances. I am truly a grain of sand in the ocean. The good news is that this ocean is such a beautiful place to live if I open my eyes to its pleasures. What I do have control over is how I move with the waves…

Holy Heck! A couple of weeks ago I went on a spiritual retreat to continue to change and grow so that I never have to use alcohol or drugs again. It was over in Casa Grand. Casa Grande is just far enough away for you to feel like you are out of town without it being a long drive. It was an awesome trip. I met a bunch of other guys like me and I learned a lot. The really crazy part happened when I got home.
So I get home from this awesome men’s spiritual retreat and I start doing chores. I ran the dishwasher before I left so when I got home I had to empty the dishes. I was putting them away when I heard on the news that there was a triple stabbing in Scottsdale. I then hear them mention my old drinking buddies name. Now I’m thinking it cant be. No way. But then they show his stepdads house on the news. What they said was that my old friend went over to his stepdads house and murdered him with a hunting knife, then he went over to his grandparents house several hours later. Once he got there he tried to murder them in their sleep. Somehow they fought him off (I have no idea how because they are 85 years old and he is about 6 ‘4’ and about 240 pounds) and he ran outside into the alley. When police got there they found him in the alley trying to slit his wrists with whatever he could find in the dumpster. Holy Heck!
This friend was the only person who would still drink with me in Tucson. I had no other friends left. Two days after I decided to quit drinking he drove me to an Alcoholics Anonymous meeting so that I could pick up a copy of their “big book”. Unfortunately for him he started doing Meth about 6 months later. Think about it, he was the last person I really had any contact with at that point in my life. Had I not gotten sober when I did, chances are I would have started to use Meth with him. Holy Heck! I believe that is what happened that night, that he was in a Meth delusion. When you use Meth you stay up for days at a time and you lose touch with reality. You start having paranoid delusions like aliens are trying to get you and stuff.
Now, why was I the one at a spiritual retreat that weekend while he was murdering his family? What I mean is, why was I the lucky one to get sober when I did and he was the one who started doing Meth? It could very easily of been the other way around. Holy Heck! The answer is I don’t know why I was the lucky one. But I do know that it will be a long while before I take it for granted again.

So the beginning of June is upon us and that means time to move. This feeling is bitter sweet. I look forward to a new beginning and a permanent address yet despise the disruption of a move. It's these types of moments when I get to practice the art of flowing with the river instead of fighting the current.
I have come to recognize that I just get myself all frustrated when I try to swim against that current and I end up giving up once I can¡¦t keep my head above water any longer, anyhow. So eventually, I submit to the current and take the leisurely body surfing ride down the river. All the while I admire the intense green on the trees, listen to the birds sing and smell the rawness of fresh water splashing about my body and face. Generally, as SOON as I become comfortable and happy with my surroundings I realize I am at the end of the heavy current and the water is calm enough to climb out of.
It's so simple, I am able to see now. If I just submit to the reality of my situation, enjoy the ride and rest while I can I will surely have saved enough energy to make it back up the hill when the ride is over. If I choose to fight the reality and allow myself to get exhausted, by the time I climb out of the water, I feel as though the ride was too short and I still need to rest on the grass at the bottom to regain my strength. What a waste!?!? I could be making my way back to the top of the hillside if I had just had faith in the adventure.
So my dear friends, as I said before, I am excited to experience a moment where I can practice the art of flowing with this river of change. I encourage you also to, when faced with a "challenge" or an "unexpected" or a "shove in the river at the top of a large stream" be wise, remain calm and find faith that you can ride the current, enjoy the time and rest and be more than ready to take the hike back up the hillside when it's all over. Life could be forcing a lovely situation on you, trust and believe.
mamajojo