I love my job. I love that James and Patrick and Carley and I can totally be ourselves while we are at work. We can be kids and adults at the same time, and I wouldn't trade that for the world. The other day, I walked in on Patrick and James playing basketball with m&m's...Patrick's mouth was the basket. And while we were filing papers, we had a war with play-dough. Sometimes we sing and make funny voices.

It's important to know that it's always OK to be me...no matter how old I am or how much my world changes on the outside. I just moved into a new apartment earlier this month, and at first, I panicked a little bit. I thought that, because I lived in a different home, I was supposed to have different things, and a different job, and different friends, and different clothes, and a different reputation over night! After all, TV tells me that if I snap my fingers, my image can change with the snap of my fingers if I just start dreaming, right?

But I had to remind myself that the only thing that was changing was my front door (and my neighbors, of course). Everything else could stay the same because everything else was a reflection of ME! I didn't have to get a new, fancy job because I'm not really a fancy-dancy kinda girl. I like my job and what I do even if it's not "super cool." I didn't have to buy hip furniture because I'm not really a super-hip kinda girl. I like my furniture and how it feels...cozy and comfy...even if it's not "sleek and trendy." I like remembering that it's OK to be me, even if "me" isn't always movie-star perfect

Rachel

Ahhhhh man this year has been an absolute blast!
With the school year finishing up and everything slowing down for the summer, I am able to look back at all of the amazing things that I have experienced and all of the awesome life lessons I have learned during this past year. First of all, I was given the amazing opportunity to join the team of ClearChoices speakers and travel around the valley speaking to all of you! I can’t say thank you enough to all of you who have allowed me to come into your schools to share my story!! You have not only made my job absolutely amazing but you have each individually allowed me to grow and make my recovery stronger and stronger by the day! Because of all of your love and support I was able to speak to over 5,000 students in this last school year!!

On May 29th I had officially gone 3 whole years being completely sober! I never ever thought I would see that day. It’s amazing how much things can change in 3 years with just a little bit of work every day along the way. It’s crazy to think that only 3 years ago, when I was first thinking about getting sober everything was so very different. For example, everything scared me. I was afraid of everything. I was scared to wake up, go to bed, talk to people, leave my house, be in large groups, face my family, go to school, but most importantly I remember being afraid to use drugs and being afraid to not use drugs. I remember that constant fear, the constant feeling in the pit of my stomach as if something terrible had just happened. I remember being sick of that feeling. I remember being ashamed and embarrassed. Every time I would look somebody in the eye I felt as if they were judging me, I felt like they knew all of my deepest darkest secrets, all of the terrible things that I was doing to myself and my family during that never ending search to get high. I remember the constant disappointment, the constant looks of sadness and disgust that I got from each and every person who loved me. I remember watching my family’s hearts break every time they found out another one of my secrets. Every single time that I tell my story I am able to feel and experience all of these things again. Every time I take all of you on the emotional roller coaster that is my life, I am right along with you. The only difference is, I know the end. And the end is what keeps me strong, sober and happier than I could have ever imagined.

The fact is that today I don’t have to be scared. I can leave my house without a fear in the world, I can go to work and talk to groups of people and not think twice about it. I am never ashamed. I can confidently meet new people and look them straight in the eye and be confident about who I am, what I have done, where I came from and what I am doing now. One of the most amazing things is I don’t have to be the cause of disappointment. If I keep up what I am doing now I will never have to watch my parents hearts break because of something I did, I will never have to explain my terrible decisions to my little brothers or sisters or my amazing nieces and nephews. In just 3 years my entire life has changed.

Thank you guys so much for supporting notMYkid, we love coming and speaking to you guys! You are all awesome!!

Keep Livin’ the Dream!

Patrick