Tomorrow is Halloween! I kind of can’t believe how fast this year went by. There were spots that I truly believed would last forever (the weeks after a break up, and the days when the car air-conditioning is broken), and there were others that flew by as fast as Poptarts out of a toaster (when a friend’s birthday party just can’t seem to last long enough, or when a good book seems to end before it starts). If I could be anything for Halloween, I’d be a clock. After all, I’ve already got two hands
I’ve learned that most of the people I know in this world spend most of their time planning things, and then reminiscing over them. But very few people that I knew spend very much time actually living life while it is happening. Haven’t you ever been really pumped to “get away” on a vacation? I’ve put hours into booking travel plans, anticipating the relaxing sunsets of the beach, dreaming of the quiet air of a hotel room, and holding my breath for room service so I can be my own little Queen for a week. While I waste useful hours of the day, hours that could be used for smelling the flowers outside my window, walking my dog through an undiscovered park, trying sushi of a different kind, I waste tons, TONS, of energy projecting my thoughts and emotions into the future…a place that doesn’t even exist yet. This is really insane, if you think about it. After all, if I learned how to relax right now, by enjoying the quiet air of my bedroom, if I knew how to “get away” right now, by relaxing at the coffee shops that face the sunsets of Camelback Mountain, then I wouldn’t need to frantically plan away my life into hypothetical dreams. I could actually exist.
I suppose it all comes down to the “If Only” syndrome. Most people are born with it, but don’t know it. It goes something like this: If only I had ____, then I’d be happy. The reason it makes us so ill, is that this silly little lie is never ending, and it keeps us from existing, like I was talking about earlier. If we don’t learn how to treat the “If Only” syndrome, then we’re likely to keep planning and running around forever, like poodles on Redbull, who are never able to sit down and love, listen, or watch that darn sunset.
-Rachel C., October 2008

I am taking a Work and Identity class currently. Our next major assignment is to do an autobiography of ourselves. Part of me is really excited about this and part of me is not excited about this. The reason that I am not very excited is because I am incapable of doing something not to the best of my ability and this is an assignment that I want to put a lot of effort into. I want to know myself and understand myself more and more as the days go by. I do think that it will be interesting to see what I come up with about myself and what it means when I am done with it. This should end up being a really great assignment and that is why I am partially excited about it.
Although other than that my week has gone very well. I actually got some time off from my other job and that was very nice. I had time to do some things that I have not been able to do in a very long time. I got a hair cut, I washed my car, and I had my oil changed/tires rotated. That is a lot to get done in less than a week, especially when you are as busy as I often am. I have told this to everyone lately, because I am so excited about it. Funny how something so simple to some people, means so much to others. I worked this week and I spoke three times, although I still managed to get a number of things done and have fun at the same time. I had a chance of also seeing a really funny movie and going out for dinner with my girlfriend and her sister. I love the simple things in life. Next week I plan on going to the state fair with my girlfriend, her sister, my sister, and possibly a few other friends. I get to hang out with my little sister and it will kinda be the first time we have ever really hung out, except when we were in Greece together. My little sister spent the weekend at my house last week and we had a bonding moment. It was awesome because it has been a very long time since we have been able to bond. She actually listened to my advice and really listened to it for the very first time. It was awesome and I am glad that I am going to able to hang out with her soon. I love my sister a lot and I really want to create a better and stronger relationship with her.

Hey all,
This past week has been very exciting. I started it off by being allowed to speak at Brophy College Prepatory. Brophy has a beautiful campus. I was expecting to be be nice looking but I was still surprised. I really liked their library and their new cafeteria. The ceiling was really cool looking in there. I was really glad to speak there for personal reasons. Then on Tuesday I got to got to Sunrise middle school. It was the second time I have spoken there. They have a really nice Liberian. I can tell she really cares about the students. I also know I would not want to get caught chewing gum in that library also!
I just finished answering some email from a school in Gilbert that I spoke at a few weeks ago. Several of the emails had the same question. They were wondering if I wish I had never drank alcohol. This is a tough question to answer. In one sense, of course I wish I had never drank alcohol. If I could have avoided all the stuff I went through and still have the great life I have today, without a doubt. But, there is no way of knowing that I would have this same great life I have today if I had never drank. So in that respect, no. I am grateful for the life I have today and if that meant I had to go through every single one of those “bad moments” to get where I am at today, then so be it. And I do not regret a single sip of alcohol that I drank. You see, it all led to where I am at today. A similar question that was asked was if I wish I had not started drinking so young. As strange as it may sound, I am very happy that I started drinking so young. If I had not, I may not of gotten help until much later in my life. Things got bad with me with my drinking very quickly. Believe it or not I consider myself lucky! It could have been much worse for me if my life was miserable because of drinking and it dragged on for a very long time. Luckily for me things got real bad real quick and I knew I had to quit drinking or I was going to end up in prison, or dead in a car crash from drunk driving. That is what it took for me to quit drinking. I had to become convinced I was going to end up in prison or dead from alcohol. This of course happened after I had already lost friends, family, been arrested, hurt my family, been in fights, lost girls, and crashed cars. If any one of these things did not happen, maybe I would have continued to drink. There is no way for me to say. But I’m glad I did quit, and I am glad I did do all those bad things.