I was at this AA meeting place, standing there talking to my friend Josh when this drunk bum walks up. I have seen him many different times over the years. He is actually banned from going inside the 12 step club because he has gotten aggressive and violent in the past. He buts into our conversation and starts talking to me. Next thing I know he is talking about how he wants to beat up this other guy I know. Then he starts to try to pick a fight with me. I said, “I should probably walk away from you then” when he told me I was making him mad. So I did. That was the end of it. He ended up just walking away after no one would give him a ride.
The very next night he shows up again saying he needs to go to the hospital. He has been saying he has 6 months to live from liver failure for the last 6 yrs or so. My friend Josh felt bad for him and took him to the hospital. But again 2 days later he shows up and asks some other guy to take him to the hospital.
So here is my question: When is enough enough? I think this man is just using people to get rides across town, telling people he is going to the hospital but not actually going. So I have decided that I am not going to give him a ride to the hospital. But what if that day comes when he really needs to go, he really is sick, and I do not take him? That would destroy me because I do want to be loving and kind to those around me. Today, because I am sober, I have options. One is to let someone else take him to the hospital. The other is to dial 911 and let an ambulance take him. Because if he really is sick, he should have no problem with that right? I do not have to let others take advantage of my kind nature. I can stand up for myself today. This was not something I was very good at when I was drinking. I either got very angry or did nothing at all. Neither response being appropriate. I am glad I can respond appropriately today.

So I am totally learning what love is again, and I’m learning it is not based on anything materialistic or superficial. I am learning what actually makes it possible to experience to the fullest degree. The funniest thing is that I thought I already had experienced love to the fullest degree, but I now I’m learning so much more.
I have this little thing inside my chest and in my stomach that keeps moving at a really fast pace, and there is a part of me that wants to turn it off but there is ALSO a part of me that wants to embrace it. It happens to be one of the most interesting feelings I have ever felt and I am learning that I don’t have control over all of my feelings all of the time.
To help feel the experience to its fullest degree, I am not setting any expectations on my current relationship and only thinking positively. The only thing that is difficult is when one of us goes away for a long time. That is happening soon, and that is really going to be difficult for me to deal with; although I am going to stay positive.
I am learning how to live life to the fullest more and more every day that goes by. I always tell everyone at the end of my presentations that my life is great but that I still deal with consequences. Today I allow the positive things to outweigh the negative ones, and I live in the moment as often as possible. Life can be beautiful, and that is because that is the choice I made a long time ago. It comes hand in hand with me choosing my dreams over drugs!!

There once was a girl named Rachel.
And she loved to write children’s books.
She loved to make up stories in her mind about fluffy mountains and singing flowers and trees as tall as Jupiter. She wrote about silly boys and crazy girls and love and lust and broken hearts and being naked.
She even wrote stories about farting.
Rachel made up these stories in her bathtub.
She wrote them down at her favorite coffee shop, where the coffee tasted like magical ice cream; medicine for the imagination. Rachel put so much Splenda® in her coffee that customers thought it was snowing.
“It’s a funny thing,” she would say to her puppy dog while she blew bubbles in the bathtub, “Nobody reads my stories…”
So Rachel spent eighty-gazillion-dollars (in diamonds!) trying to find the perfect way to sell her stories. But editors and agents and publishers and other important book people all seemed to be on vacation at the same time…which is all the time.
“How will I get my stories out there?” Rachel asked her puppy dog. “I just want to help people laugh and learn. There is too much seriousness and pretending to be happy in this world. Telling stories about real-life without shame – that is the ticket to happiness!”
So she went to her snowy coffee shop and shared her smiles with everyone who walked by.
“This is my story…” Rachel would say, “…and if it helps you laugh and learn, WONDERFUL! And if you are too busy to listen, WONDERFUL!”
Lots of people listened and laughed and learned. And lots of people did not. But Rachel was happy making stories about real-life because she was doing what she loved.
Moral of the story: Your best is always good enough. Having people like you and making lots of money does not define success.
The End.