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So I’ve been writing a lot recently about how I don’t want to put limitations on myself. I’ve been talking the talk, but haven’t been walking the walk. I’ve also written about how it’s always been my dream to do an Ironman, and now I’m training and am doing smaller triathlons to help me reach my overall lifelong goal. Well, I have to be honest, I still don’t know if I can do it. Not only that, I still don’t know if I can do half the distance. You see, I signed up for a race that is a fourth of an Ironman. Not a Half Ironman, but half of a half. And for a few weeks I’ve been wanted to do the Half Ironman but who am I to think I can finish it?
But I got into work today and I told Jodi (a Speaker and ClearChoices Coordinator) that I wanted to do the Half Ironman but that I didn’t think I would be able to finish the race. She told me I could, point blank. I wanted to do the Half so bad, but I was the one not letting myself sign up for it, I was the one telling myself I couldn’t. But Jodi didn’t hesitate at all to tell me I could. So, I borrowed her confidence for a second and e-mailed the race coordinator to switch my entry from the Quarter to the Half. Within ten minutes I got an e-mail saying I was now registered for the Soma Half Triathlon.
The Soma Half
Swim: 1.2 Miles
Bike: 56 Miles
Run: 13.1 Miles
I have never done a swim this long, so that will be one thing I need to seriously work on. I haven’t done that far of a bike ride in a long time, and I have never run that far in my life at one time. I will need to do some serious training. But even if I don’t finished, at least I will try. I will at least give myself a chance, and sometimes that is all we can do; give ourselves a fighting chance. Ok, just wanted to be honest and walk the walk. Thanks for listening.

When I was a kid I played tennis and soccer, and I loved both…and hated both. I never liked tennis lessons but I loved playing matches for fun. Soccer was similar, I loved playing in our Saturday games, but never liking the drills we did in practice. Then, when I got into cycling as a teenager the same pattern existed; I hated training, but loved racing!
People used to tell me “practice makes perfect”. And I believe that to some degree: if you want to improve you need to put in the effort and practice. But I have a problem with the word “perfect” because the idea of it makes me go a little nutty. I start to think that perfection exists, and I need to be perfect; and then when I’m not perfect that means I’m a failure (you see, a little nutty, right?). Maybe that’s why I always hated practice, because I thought I was a lost cause. There is no way I can’t be perfect so what’s the point?
Today, I’m training for a triathlon and I don’t hate it, and honestly I don’t know why. Maybe it’s because my goal is not to be perfect, my goal is only to finish the race. That kind of takes away the pressure of it all. I am no longer trying to become a superwoman that can accomplish the impossible. I am not trying to become something “better” than myself by morphing myself into someone I’m not. I’m just Carley. I am training to improve my endurance to help me accomplish my goal: finish the race. And maybe I will finish or maybe I won’t, but I have learned enough in my recovery to know that the result won’t define me. Whether I cross the finish line or not I’m still Carley.