Getting older brings a lot of pretty cool things: being able to drive, staying out later and eventually moving out. All of these things are awesome and things that I looked forward to while I was growing up. What I didn’t realize was that with all of these awesome privileges came a lot of not-so-awesome responsibilities. Doing your own laundry, paying traffic tickets, taking out the trash (not because your parents told you to but because if you don’t, it stiiiiiiiiiiinkss!!!!) But most of all, taking care of your own life.
I had a rude awakening this past week when I realized that I needed to pick up a second job during the summer. Now this wouldn’t have been that big of a deal because I am honestly really excited to pick up some extra hours this summer, but this new responsibility meant that I needed to “clean up my appearance” just a bit. Man, I hate that phrase. To make a long story short, I had to take a giant leap and committed to cutting off my dreadlocks. Ouch, I have been growing out my hair for over a year and went through so much to get my locks going, and now they are gone.
Now there is a pretty obvious downside to having to cut my hair, the simple fact that all that time and work will be gone. But the harder and more important thing to look at in this situation is the fact that I am able to be responsible enough to cut my hair, because that’s what I need to do—at least if I would like to eat and pay my rent this summer. Years ago there would be no way that I would make a decision like this and I consider myself very lucky that I am able to take a mature step in the right direction.

Keep Livin’ the Dream,
Patrick

I wrote this poem when I was living in my halfway house in Montana. This was the first time that I could hit a creative note in sobriety, it was also a huge turning point in my life because I was finally able to see drug use as the terrifying thing that it really is. Thinking back on my time in treatment, I just want to say that the friends and counselors that helped me in my recovery are all amazing and I miss them more than anything. They truly are my brothers!

A letter to my ex-best friend, D.O.C. (Drug of Choice)

I was alone
Til you came around
Out of the shadows
You came into town
You lifted me up
Made me feel special
Showed me true love and brought rest to
My mind.
Today was a good day but now it’s behind
I awake, I’m lonely
No one is around
Where are you now my only?
Nowhere to be found
I’m on a search for you
But you’re not looking for me
I’m shook in my knees
I’m lookin’ babe, please
Aha! I found you
Now I’m fine
Relax my mind
Sit back, unwind
Stare to the sky
Flare and I cry
Why? - I don’t know, I’m fine
Tomorrow will be a brighter day, right?
Screw it, goodnight
I awake, I’m enraged
I don’t know why
Once again, my "friend" is nowhere in sight
I miss you - I want you, I love you, I know you
No I hate you - despise you and loathe you
But your what i need
You i must seize
But at the same time you are making it hard for me to breathe
But I don’t need to - Find more ends and lose more friends to once again meet you
I need hope - love
Not drugs that deceit you
I can defeat you
You'll always be my ex best friend
But my happiness now replaces you in the end
And never again - Will I let you in
We can win
Yes, "We"
I’m not alone
I found my safe place: Sobriety’s own, Sobriety's home
If I leave that place, then I lose these dreams
And without dreams, what does life even mean?
I find happiness in friends that help me accomplish my goals
When with you, all my dreams, all ended up stolen
My lungs are not black
My heart is now golden
I am my dreams - sober - see and behold them

Goodbye -

Dear old friend

You'll always be in the back of my mind
But I don’t need you, I did defeat you
I’m sober and Fine
So I reach for the sky
I scream, I’m alive
Tears stream from my eyes
No more sneaks, defeats, self hatred, and lies
Euphoria was a fraud and I don’t need that now
I’m alive, sober, and happy - Beat that "pal"

I am reading this book in one of my English classes called A Walk in the Woods by a travel author named Bill Bryson. In this book, Bryson and one of his friends attempt to backpack one of the hardest trails in America, the Appalachian Trail, which runs about 2,200 miles from Georgia all the way up to Maine.
I don’t know if it is the addict in me or what, but something about a challenge like this gets me pretty pumped! Needless to say, while reading this book I got the itch again to get back down to my roots and go back into the wilderness.
If you have heard my story before, you may remember me saying I was blessed enough to be sent to a treatment center in Montana where I was sent on a three week backpacking trip. Before this trip I had never really been camping, so my first introduction was harsh but extremely incredible. It was on this trip that I discovered my passion and love for the outdoors. I found out how amazing it feels to only have to worry about hiking, eating, staying hydrated and sleeping. To leave behind the troubles of the crazy modern world and get back down to our roots, where we are able to quickly figure who and what in our lives are important.
It was during that first backpacking trip I realized how wonderful the world we live in really is, and how much each and every one of us have to live to for and ever how much we all have to offer.
After that trip, I have done a lot of backpacking. I have done three weeks in the incredible Alaskan back country, and I have since spent a lot of time in the Arizona woods up north.
With this weekend being Spring Break, and after having just read that book, I feel like it’s time to reconnect with the world again. I am heading out to the White Mountains to reconnect and reevaluate; something I think is important for everyone to do: get back down to our roots and figure out what is important! Wish me luck!

Keep Livin’ The Dream,
Patrick