ClearChoices Blogs

No more blogs posts until summer 2010

Scott — Mon, 01 Mar 2010 19:31:48 +0000

http://www.notMYkid.org

ClearChoices and notMYkid will not be posting any more blogs until Summer of 2010. We want to know what you want to hear about! Comment so that we can blog about what's important to you! You can always follow us on our Facebook fan page as well as follow us on Twitter until we get the blog back up!

Original post blogged on b2evolution.

Horse and Carriage

Violetta — Mon, 22 Feb 2010 23:48:38 +0000

So I decided to title this blog horse and carriage because I am actually making the conscious decision to NOT put the horse before the carriage with this new relationship I am in. I have not been in a relationship for almost a year, which I think is a good thing, however I also have not met anyone who was worth enough of my time and energy to commit myself to. The individual I am with now is strong, educated, financially intelligent, responsible, has never done drugs, has a son, is polite, compassionate, kind, respectful, and shares great communication with me. I have definitely put this individual on a pedestal, but for the first time in my 25 years of existence I am on the pedestal too. That has never happened before and it makes me happy, because it truly shows growth within myself and within how I view relationships with other people. I have been working on myself a lot lately and I have been progressively learning more and more about myself, both the cons and the pros. I am glad that I am in tune enough with myself to be able to notice these things. This is going to be a great year and my number one focus needs to be school, because I graduate in 3 months with my BA in Psychology with a minor in communication. School is definitely something that I have not gotten motivated in since my accident, which is so frustrating to me, because I love school and increasing my knowledge. I am currently on a mission to increase my desire to learn and achieve my most desired goals. Life has gotten easier, but it is never going to be easy all together. I still have so many struggles and it is obvious through all of my random blogs.

Original post blogged on b2evolution.

Enjoy The Ride

Remi — Fri, 05 Feb 2010 20:24:16 +0000

Some of you may know that eating disorders are about perfectionism most of the time. They are about wanting to please everyone. About wanting control when it feels like they have none.
Last week my niece got sick. REALLY sick. Like, no one, even the infectious disease specialist, knew if she would make it through the night, the hour, or the surgery.
She’s 3. And the perfect little angel child. I’m her favorite aunt, and my name was one of the first she could say when she learned to talk.
Well, she’s sick and I can’t go see her. And there’s nothing I can do for her. And there’s nothing I can do for my brother when he cries for his little girl. And I can’t go in the hospital even if I was in the right city or state. And I wasn’t the one to paint her toenails when nothing else would keep her mind off the pain.
I was once told that eating disorders are the hardest addictions to overcome. With food,……you can’t escape it. You CAN’T avoid it, because that’s what your problem was to begin with! You have to deal with it. You have to slowly create a healthy relationship with food. You have to learn to accept your (to replace perfectionism). You have to accept that you can’t always be in control. You can’t stop your niece’s pain. You can magically come up with a couple hundred dollars for a flight to see her, and you can’t force the doctors to let you into her room to make her smile.
So during this time of weakness I found out that now I hear even more loudly my coworkers telling each other how many calories they ate, and my friends talk about how much weight they want to lose. And the commercials ring in my ears about the new “taco bell diet” and the new “half the calories, all the same G” Gatorade commercials, and the people might as well scream in my face how they avoided stretch marks when they were pregnant and how much weight they gained and how long it took them to get back in shape. Even people who tell me I look great seem to be telling me that they are paying attention to my body and what it looks like, so make sure it doesn’t change because they’ll notice that too. In those moments of weakness, I find myself mentally rocking myself back and forth, back and forth, telling my healthy self it’s okay.
But it’s exhausting. And it’s hard to keep drowning out those voices. It’s hard to ignore. It’s hard to take time to feel what I feel and talk myself into staying healthy. It seems almost inescapable.
I’m getting too personal, aren’t I? I’m getting too serious? Maybe it sounds crazy. It feels crazy sometimes.
But somehow I stay healthy. And somehow I seem to be able to get s tronger every day. I still read, I still have to avoid situations and people, and I still pray for help daily. Sometimes I feel like I should be over this eating disorder thing already.
But it’s a process. It’s a journey. One of my favorite quotes is by Gordon Hinckley. He says, “[The fact is] most putts don't drop. Most beef is tough. Most children grow up to be just people. Most successful marriages require a high degree of mutual toleration. Most jobs are more often dull than otherwise. . . .
"Life is like an old-time rail journey-delays, sidetracks, smoke, dust, cinders and jolts, interspersed only occasionally by beautiful vistas and thrilling bursts of speed.
"'The trick is to thank the Lord for letting you have the ride'".
And that’s what keeps me going on those rough days.

Original post blogged on b2evolution.

Tomorrow

Violetta — Mon, 01 Feb 2010 23:33:42 +0000

My final semester for my undergraduate degree is in progress and I am very excited about this semester. I have worked so very hard for the past 3.5 years and now I have the chance to enjoy being in college a little bit. I am a full time student, however this semester I am taking some relaxed classes and I will have more time to focus on healing and not stressing myself out. I also just started back up at my other job, but I have requested to not work weekends at all. This is giving me the opportunity to have two days to relax, study, and just be a normal college student. I want to enjoy my college experience as much as possible while I am still a kid…so to speak. I know that I only have one life to live, so I want to live it to the fullest. Every day is a new day for me and I am taking full advantage of that knowledge today. I am seeking out my zest for life again and it will be found. I have so many opportunities in front of me right now and I want to take advantage of as many of them as possible and to the best of my ability. I also know what my purpose is in life more today than I ever have before. My purpose is to help people in any and every way I possibly can. I have the opportunity to help people who are seeking out their majors in school, trying to figure out what graduate school to attend, figuring out how to study correctly, wondering if they should or should not do an internship, learning who professors are and what their focus is, and so much more. I also hope to soon have the opportunity to help the speakers who work for notMYkid have their goals met in any way I possibly can. It is wonderful to be able to experience life to the fullest degree and be one of the few survivors who actually make it into recovery and make a difference. Not everyone makes it out of addiction alive and/or with any chance at a normal life, but I did and I am going to take full advantage of it.

Original post blogged on b2evolution.

2010

Violetta — Mon, 04 Jan 2010 19:19:24 +0000

It is another new year and another day. I am very excited about the New Year, because last year was the worst year of my life. I experienced more trauma and pain in 2009 then I can remember ever having or doing during my active addiction. I brought in the New Year with a huge smile and lots of love and friends. I actually drove up to Lake Havasu where one of my best friends just moved to and hung out with her and her adopted family for 4 days. I brought in the New Year with them in such an amazing way. There was so much love around me and very little if any drama. It was so nice to get away and do something different and get out of Phoenix. I met some amazing people and actually allowed myself to relax and not worry about anything. I ate awesome food, slept as much or as little as I wanted, sang karaoke, went on a ranger ride up to Havasu falls, sat at a restaurant on the London Bridge for 6 hours just laughing and having good conversation with friends. These are the joys in life that I lost touch with for a very long time. That is another reason why I think that I was in my accident a couple of months ago. I believe I have stated it before, but I really needed to slow down and allow myself to experience life and all of the wonderful things it has to bestow upon me. I am grateful for everything in my life right now, even with all of the frustrations due to my accident. This will be a wonderful year and I look forward to graduating in May.

Original post blogged on b2evolution.

Trauma Leg

Violetta — Thu, 17 Dec 2009 22:20:17 +0000

So last week I wrote a short blog explaining that I was run over by a truck. I also stated that I would keep everyone posted on my status with my leg and life as the time went by. Currently I am in a lot of pain and I personally feel that I am handling it very well. I have a lot of spasms, which are not fun and there is nothing that really helps subside them. In case anyone was wondering, no I am not consistently taking heavy medication. I have medication, but I only take it as needed. The rest of the time I take Tylenol for pain. My grades have dropped significantly due to this accident and I have been having issues with my memory, not to mention the anxiety I suffer, especially while in a vehicle. Other than that, I would like to note how absolutely grateful I am for the ability to walk and having my life. I started physical therapy this week and it is going well. It is not as painful as many people assume it is, but it is challenging. I also feel as if it is not just physical therapy, but mental therapy because I really have to focus on my coordination and to keep my hurt leg flat on the ground when I walk so that I can rebuild the muscle in it. Yesterday before one of my final projects everyone in the class stated what their best non-commercial present was. That means the best gift they were given that was not just purchased at a store. There were three of us out of about 40 who were grateful for the ability to walk, because we all had suffered severe traumas or accidents to our legs. There were also people who stated special items that were given to them by siblings, coworkers, family members, and friends. I had a few of the notMYkid staff share some of their experiences and it was a wonderful opportunity to be grateful for what we truly have in life and about all of the special times we have. I challenge each and every one of the individuals who read this to write down at least one thing you are truly grateful for and it can’t be materialistic. I mean try your very hardest to think about the best gift or blessing you have been granted in your life. It is pretty amazing what people come up with.
Happy Holidays and Happy New Year!!!

Original post blogged on b2evolution.

Accident

Violetta — Fri, 11 Dec 2009 23:04:36 +0000

I have not written a blog in the longest time so I thought I would attempt to start giving a synopsis of the last month and a half of my life. This is going to be a blog of many blogs, kind of like chapters in a book. I will give and keep updates on my daily activities as well as the surgeries I undergo. On October 30, 2009, I had gone to school to meet with a professor about an upcoming exam. After meeting with her I walked to my car and while in the crosswalk I was run over by a pickup truck. I will not go into the gory details of what happened to me, except that I suffered a severe trauma to my right calf, a carpal fracture, and a big bump on my head. I still don’t know all of the details about the accident, except that the driver received a DUI. I don’t know if he was drunk or if he got the DUI because he refused to take the breathalyzer, but we shall see. Either way I find it ironic that an ex junkie gets hit by someone who was drinking and driving. I am fortunate that he stopped though. I have found many positives out of this entire situation, but it has also been a struggle. I can say that my addiction is still in existence and it is still a struggle. I also am well aware that I have true friends in my life and that I know where to go and who to go to when I am in need of support and/or advice. Well this is just the beginning of my journey of this accident and the effects it has had on my body, spirit, and mind. Until next time

Original post blogged on b2evolution.

Guess What? I'm never alone!

Remi — Wed, 02 Dec 2009 23:14:32 +0000

So….I’ve been sick for a while now. Sick as a dog, and sometimes so sick at night that I cry wondering how I’m going to get up and face it all again the next day.

My oh-so-sweet husband is always there to comfort me, but nonetheless I still find it hard to get up and go sometimes on those very sick mornings. I go to work, sometimes switching from one job to another in one day, head to school, and drive myself crazy worrying about midterms and finals and research papers. And making sure I get enough “balanced” food into my diet so my baby grows healthy and strong in this ever-growing belly of mine. Maybe that doesn’t seem like much, but to me, whilst I go about my daily activities, all the while thinking about where the nearest exit is in case I get sick, it’s quite overwhelming. And let me tell you, being a former bulimic and having the perma-flu is NOT easy. SO, I get overwhelmed easily. The house cleaning has gone out the window, along with the dinner cooking, which left along with the grocery shopping and plant watering. When I get home, I plop down, try to squeeze in some homework, and try to remember to lie on my left side . So, as you can imagine, searching for hours for doctors, midwives, and researching practices and statistics was a little hard to do, although very important for my healthy baby.

And then last week my sister came into town. She’s 2 years younger than me, was married before me, and had her first baby before I did. I really look up to her and often find myself wondering what she would do if she were in my shoes.

Among her talents are an eye for creative design, a knack for baby-naming, and being bossy. All of these talents were very much beneficial to me during her trip. While she was in town, I learned a thing or two from her---Again. She got straight to work when she was here, helping me with homework, looking at baby names from a gazillion websites, making lists of needed baby supplies, setting up everything I would need to have my baby. Even called and made a doctor’s appointment for me. I was overwhelmed before I realized why I shouldn’t be.

I didn’t have to do this ALL of this…… by myself. I had help. And I NEED help. I kept telling myself I was strong and I could do it, and I’d HAVE to do it, because after all, I’m going to be a mom soon and I needed to be able to take on responsibilities that seem overwhelming. But then I let my sister be bossy, and I let her make an appointment, and pick out my insurance, and write down all the ins and outs of being a mom and finding discounts on baby supplies, and help me find baby names.

And I realized I’m not alone and never will be. My family, my God, and my friends are always there, always willing to be bossy and helping me get on track to where I need to be.

Original post blogged on b2evolution.